Aboard the plane for the first practice jump, one nervous Ranger trainee couldn't suppress his apprehension. "Suppose the parachute doesn't open?" he asked the sergeant.

"Just return it to the commissary. They'll give you a new one."

A couple was driving through the rain when the car began to hydroplane. The husban's hands gripped the wheel, his knuckles white. "I can't control it!" he exclaimed."

"Well, try to hit something inexpensive!" his wife advised.

An American optometrist examined a Japanese national and reported bluntly, "You have a cataract."

"No, no," the patient corrected. "I drive a Rinclon Continentar."

The trusted old Army mule was laid to rest lovingly by the troops he'd served. His epitath read, 'HERE LIES GREOGIE, WHO KICKED TWO COLONELS, TWO CAPTAINS, FOUR LIEUTENANTS, THREE SERGEANTS, A CORPORAL, SIX PRIVATES, AND ONE LAND MINE."

Experience is what you get when you didn't get what you wanted.

Judge: "How do you plead?"

Defendant: "What's the evidance?"